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Background: I've written a few AskMe's about my relationship in the past -- the first time was more than three years ago -- and despite insightful advice from several people, I'm kind of ashamed and embarrassed that I have not been able to make any changes in my life. I'm a year-old gay man.

My partner and I have been together for eight years, and we have a good deal of love, but zero sex life. He has no sex drive. But he has zero libido. Always has. Nothing has worked. Bottom line: he is cute from the neck up. But there is no sexual compatibility. My partner has even said that although he is very content with our relationship and would be sad if I broke up with him, he would understand my reasons for doing so.

I love him too much, and the fear of what happens after the breakup is overpowering. How could I live without my best friend in my life? On top of that, his job comes with an apartment, so we currently pay no rent and we live in an expensive city. If we broke up, I'd have to move out and pay rent again. I know, cry me a river. But this is a big deal to me.

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How could I be so stupid as to give up something like this - great substantive relationship, sweet guy, free apartment -- when the only problem is sex? These are all the reasons why I want to see if I can maintain our relationship while having my own sex life. Now for the meat of the issue: I have a big inner conflict when it comes to sex. On the one hand, I really enjoy sex, and I have a pretty high sex drive.

Faces, eyes, hair, jawlines, stubble, neck muscles, arms, backs, legs, feet, all turn me on. This part of me is very cautious. This part of me is very afraid to break any rules. This part of me hears certain messages American society drums into our heads about how sex is bad and sex is shallow. It seems like talk shows and advice columns are filled with people who have terrible relationships because they thought sexual attraction was the be-all and end-all of a relationship.

I never wanted to be one of those people. I feel like your dick is a horrible judge of substantive relationship compatibility. So I have found someone who is substantively wonderful and will never cheat on me because he isn't interested in sex. The other thing about my sex drive is that even though it's so powerful, it's also fleeting. Being gay makes it even more difficult.